The Benefits of Contemplating Death
How mortality sharpens meaning, breaks false scripts, & helps us live with intention
In the last month a number of second degree connections both young and old passed away. None of them were close to me but it was yet again another reminder of how fleeting this life is. As these deaths coincided with the birthday of Marcus Aurelius, I’ve decided to revisit the benefits of regularly contemplating death. To quote Irvin Yalom’s book Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death: "Virtually every great thinker has thought deeply and written about death; and many have concluded that death is inextricably a part of life, and that lifelong consideration of death enriches rather than impoverishes life."
LIFE IS EXTRAORDINARY
The topic of this post is purposefully on the surface a bummer so let’s start with an unequivocal celebration of life. We don’t understand most of the important “Why” questions relevant to our reality. We may never get to fully understand them but one thing is for certain: we are intimately connected to the universe around us.
One does not need to evoke a prime mover to recognise that cosmic evolution, which in the beginning started with subatomic particles that coalesced into simple elements like hydrogen, over billions of years through the continuous formation, fusion and explosion of stars has created the very complex elements all of life is made of. Every single atom in your body was created in stars that are long gone. We are literally children of stars that are part of a cosmic story that has over billions of years resulted in this blog post. Let that sink in.
Then let’s contemplate that for me to write this post about 30 trillion of cells are working hard in unison to give rise to this human being. Within these cells there are about a billion chemical reactions per second per cell. All this coordination! These 30 trillion cells started as 1 cell, which split umpteenth times with one instruction set (DNA) that somehow knows how to create kidneys, lungs, brains etc. That such complexity can be created with such a simple beginning is baffling.
Consider also that while we are genetically the same as a kid born 2000 years ago, it is the collective effort of the 100 billion people before us, who over centuries have pushed the world forward (some more, some less), that have resulted in a super-organism we call civilisation that today determines our nurture. This nurture with all the cultural and technological progress is the main difference why we are so different from that kid 2000 years ago.
This connectivity to the cosmos, to the unfathomable complexity within, and to the billions of people who came before (and those alive today) is extraordinary and provides me with a sense of awe on a daily basis. It is really very special to be alive and to be connected to time and space in this way. And yet, the very same universe that births us so miraculously is also indifferent to our survival.
THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT CARE
The title of this section contains all there is to say. It is also the best reason why all of anthropocentric religiosity feels misplaced. Living and conscious beings (yes, animals included) are dying every single day in undeserving circumstances not at the hands of other people but just to chance and the rules that have been set out by this universe.
Just as the dinosaurs were wiped off the map by an asteroid, we could face the same plight. In other words, the notion of controlling our own destiny is an illusion in the limit. As Eisenhower said, “Planning is everything but plans are nothing”. This world around us does not bend to our will and does not care for our wellbeing (only other conscious beings do), even though it may seem like it momentarily.
The cosmic symphony is majestic and we are part of it, but it is not about us and that is abundantly clear, if we lose our self-centredness for one moment to observe the world around us soberly. As such, at least for the time being, death is a reality that we need to contend with and while the notion makes many, me included, anxious, there is value in contemplating it.
THE STOICS & MEMENTO MORI
Stoicism was birthed in ancient Greece by Zeno of Citium. He began teaching in Athens around 300 BCE. His followers first met at the Stoa Poikile ("Painted Porch"), a colonnade in the Athenian agora - hence the name "Stoicism.” Here the core tenets:
Virtue is the only true good. Courage, wisdom, justice, and self-discipline are the foundations of a meaningful life.
Focus only on what you can control. Your thoughts, choices, and actions - not other people, outcomes, or external events.
Live in accordance with nature. This means living rationally, cooperatively, and with purpose, as part of the greater whole, while accepting mortality.
Train your perception. Things are not good or bad in themselves - it’s our judgments that make them so.
Practice daily reflection. Through journaling, meditation, or reviewing your actions to cultivate virtue.
The key people to continue to popularise this philosophy were the Romans Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. While the phrase cannot be attributed to any one person, it was through the Stoic tradition that the term “Memento Mori” - “Remember that you must die” was coined. In ancient Rome, when a general paraded through the streets after a victory, a servant or companion would whisper "Memento Mori" to remind him of his mortality, so he wouldn’t become too prideful. This tradition reinforced the ideal of humility and self-awareness.
Later the Christian church during the Middle Ages and artists during the Renaissance continued this notion through depictions of skulls, hourglasses, wilted flowers, and decaying corpses in art and jewellery as reminders of mortality.
CARPE DIEM, SECULAR MODERNITY & DEATH DENIAL
During the 17th to 19th century Memento Mori fell out of fashion and was replaced by “Carpe Diem”. As science, humanism, and individualism grew, the vibe shifted.
Thinkers and poets like Horace (who originally coined carpe diem), Montaigne, and later Romantics emphasised enjoying life, love, and beauty in the face of impermanence. Death was still acknowledged, but more as an impetus for experience, not for withdrawal or repentance.
Fast forward to the 21st century. In the modern secular world, death has been pushed to the margins of experience. Over the last century, what was once a deeply communal and visible event became clinical, distant, and sanitised. Most people no longer die at home surrounded by loved ones, but in hospitals, institutions, or care facilities. The dying process has been outsourced to professionals, and the rituals surrounding death, once public, have become increasingly private, if not entirely avoided. As a result, death has become abstract, something we rarely see, talk about, or even think about in daily life. In this shift, Memento Mori lost its central place in culture, replaced by a quiet unease we struggle to name.
This removal of death from public life coincided with the rise of mass consumerism and media, which actively encourage distraction, optimism, and the illusion of limitless time. In a society that prizes youth, productivity, and relentless self-improvement, to contemplate death is seen as unproductive at best, depressive at worst. The distraction seems by design: in the face of death our consumerist pursuits seem rather silly. If we were to not buy into those capitalist games, what would happen to existing power structures? But rather than face the finality of life, we buy wrinkle cream, stream endless entertainment, and promise ourselves there will always be time “later.”
FREUD, JUNG AND BECKER
This denial of death is to our peril. One of my favourite books that explores this, is written by Ernest Becker “The Denial of Death”. Becker was a contemporary (barely) of Freud and Jung, who both influenced his work.
While Freud and Jung didn’t frame death in the tradition of Memento Mori, both made mortality central to their theories of the psyche. Freud introduced the concept of the “death drive” - a subconscious force pulling us toward destruction, repetition, and ultimately non-being. He saw death not as something we rationally face, but as a terrifying void we repress. Jung, by contrast, viewed death as a spiritual transformation and an essential aspect of individuation - the process of becoming whole. He believed the second half of life should involve preparing the psyche for death, integrating its symbolic meaning rather than denying its reality.
Becker took these psychological insights and built them into a sweeping theory of human motivation in the aforementioned “The Denial of Death”. Deeply influenced by Freud’s ideas about repression and Jung’s interest in the symbolic, Becker argued that our fear of death is the root of much of human behaviour. Unlike Freud, who saw death repression as one defense mechanism among many, Becker believed it was the central mechanism - so primal and powerful that culture itself arises largely to protect us from it. Our need for self-esteem, identity, and meaning is, in his view, a way to construct the illusion of permanence in the face of certain annihilation.
For Becker, Memento Mori isn’t just a philosophical exercise - it’s a psychological reckoning. We build religions, pursue legacies, and chase status not simply out of ambition, but because we can’t bear the thought of being insignificant and forgotten. In this way, he reframes death contemplation: not as a gloomy exercise, but as a path to liberation from self-deception. By facing death squarely, Becker believed, we might finally begin to live authentically - not clinging to immortality projects, but grounded in reality. In other words, we can stop playing games that others have made up for us to be busy but actually play the games we truly want to play.
His work reminds us that to be human is to straddle two truths: we are finite animals, and yet we long for transcendence. This quote of Becker’s sums it up nicely: “Man is literally split in two: he has an awareness of his own splendid uniqueness in that he sticks out of nature with a towering majesty, and yet he goes back to the ground a few feet in order to rot and disappear forever. He is both god and worm.”
DEATH CONTEMPLATION TOOLKIT
I am aware that spending too much time considering death in one sitting can be triggering. This is why below I suggest different ways to be aware without becoming paralysed. To quote Irvin Yalom again, who’s writing on death is with Becker’s the best contemporary expression of these ideas: "Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death may save us."
Crystallising Our Priorities: When we truly absorb that time is finite, the noise falls away. Is that urge to buy a Lambo or Birkin to impress others really worth the headache? Are the grudges we are nursing really necessary? Let’s stop kidding ourselves. Try this: Write your own eulogy - or even just three sentences you hope someone would say about you. Are you living toward that vision?
Stop Playing Games Made by Others: We often inherit scripts: status games, success metrics, approval-seeking. But death is a radical editor - it cuts the fake from the script. Try this: Ask yourself: If I had one year to live, what would I stop pretending to care about? Write down the answers. Start subtracting.
Recover the Present Moment: Yalom argued that death-awareness is the best antidote to the illusion of endless tomorrows. It can rescue us from the trance of postponement. Try this: Place a Memento Mori object - a coin, a ring, or even a calendar reminder - somewhere you’ll see it daily. Not to scare you, but to remind you: this is it.
Overcome Inertia: Fear of starting, fear of failure, fear of judgment - all shrink when compared to the bigger reality: you won’t always have the chance. Try this: When you feel stuck, ask yourself again: If I died a year from today, what project or conversation would I most regret not starting? Do the first tiny step now.
Increase Compassion - for Loved Ones and Strangers: Death is the great equalizer. Everyone we know is on the same path. This truth can dissolve resentment and deepen our love. Try this: Imagine this is the last time you’ll speak to someone you care about - not morbidly, just gently. What would you say or do differently?
Live More Mindfully: The awareness of death isn’t about hurrying - it’s about being here fully. Each moment becomes sacred when you realise it could be the last. Try this: Do one thing today - drinking tea, walking outside, hugging someone - as if it were the last time. Feel the richness in that slowness.
All these exercises are meant to create a real sense of appreciation for the gift of life and a clarity for the value of your time. Henry David Thoreau put it best when he said, "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."
CONCLUSION
Contemplating death isn’t about pessimism. It’s about lucidity. It’s a refusal to live in denial or distraction. When we remember that our time is limited, we stop outsourcing our values to culture, to status games, or to the inertia of routine. We start living on our own terms - with more urgency, more compassion, and more presence.
The Stoics, the psychologists, and the mystics all converged on this truth in different ways: to face death is to reclaim life. It’s not always comfortable, but it is clarifying. As Irvin Yalom reminds us, it is precisely the idea of death - not the event itself - that can save us. It slices through the noise. It teaches us to hold each moment like it matters - because it does.
So let’s not look away. Let’s look carefully, calmly, and curiously. Not to dwell in fear, but to walk more freely through the brief, astonishing experience of being alive.
ADDENDUM
In recent decades, even Silicon Valley has joined the quest to outwit death. The new techno-utopian promise is not just to delay death, but to defeat it entirely - through cryonics, life extension, and digital immortality.
Let me disappoint you by saying that I support this pursuit. However, we will never entirely escape death even if we were to prolong life by a thousand years. Accidents can happen, an asteroid can still hit Earth, a novel virus can still wipe us out...and eventually the heat death of the universe will get us all. Even in a world where we can live much longer, the exercise of contemplating death is not in vain. As a matter of fact, it may become more important than ever.